Sleeping Has Been Difficult The Past Few Weeks

"I sat there - mesmerized, dazed with a permanent smile as he spoke about his job. He must have noticed how unwavering my gaze was, as he began a new sentence with a slight pause to make sure I was listening. I stayed silent, coffee in my right hand, eyes locked with his despite everyone else in the room.

I was listening. I never stopped.

I expected that any moment he would become uncomfortable with my stare - but he didn't. He didn't look away or distract himself. Instead, he challenged me. His amber, golden irises lit up as he started to laugh. Maybe I wasn't exactly listening, but I laughed at him anyway. I forced myself to utter a reply, reassuring him I was at least kind of listening and not completely wasted on the drunken-haze of his eyes."

Is this what I had been losing sleep over? 
Maybe it was going too fast - was I nervous? Was I breathing? Was I too quiet? 

I suddenly didn't know what to do with my hands, my fingers, my arms - I had arms! 
Hold the coffee cup! 
Don't sip too much, you'll run out! 

What do I say? 
Too much silence? 
Too much smiling? 
Too much or not enough? 
Nod your head. Don't keep nodding, just twice. 
My face hurts - did his? 
He looks tired, should we go? 
I haven't looked at my phone - I hope nothing crazy is happening. God, don't look at it.

Don't go back.
Just stay here - it is so quiet. 

No one will bother you here. Stay in this moment.